Hairs to you.

If you knew how much I had to do, you’d wonder why I am sitting here typing up a journal entry when I could be getting important things done. It’s because some of the important things I have to do are rather unpleasant and nerve-racking, so I’d like to stall for time as long as possible. Plus, I’ve been neglecting my blog.

Sadly, I no longer have the Afro made of awesome because I have discovered that hair weaves are made of stuff that is decidedly not awesome. I will never get another weave again. Ever. It felt like I was wearing a hat that I couldn’t take off. I don’t know how other women can deal with such an uncomfortable and unpleasant hairstyle. So, I basically wasted two hundred dollars on a hairstyle that lasted me less than a week. I get upset just thinking about what a waste of money that was.

And yet now there is a very important question that needs to be asked. What am I going to do with my hair? Why does this question need to be asked? Because America is an utterly dysfunctional place that cannot accept naturally kinky black hair as-is, so something must be “done” to it in order for a black woman to be an acceptable member of American society. Luckily, I have more options than my mother had at my age. Unfortunately, I don’t like any of those options.

Option 1: After washing my hair, I blow dry it and then straighten my hair with a pressing comb. I don’t like this option because it takes me several hours to do my hair this way. Plus, the minute water touches my hair? My hairstyle is destroyed. On the plus side, it is a cheap hairstyle and rather cute. It costs nothing but time.

Option 2: I get dreadlocks. This is not an option, because there is no way I will get any hairstyle that requires me to shave my head when I no longer want to wear the hairstyle in question. Of course, this is also a really cheap style. I could do it myself for free.

Option 3: I get cornrows. This is not an option since I look really bad in this hairstyle. Sadly, cornrows are not for people with gigantic heads. Still, it is a very cheap and efficient hairstyle to have. It costs about 60 dollars. I only wish it made me look good.

Option 4: I get a relaxer. Not a good option. I’m not really enthused about putting sodium hydroxide or guanidine hydroxide on my head and leaving it there long enough for it to permanently break the cohesive disulfide bonds in my hair in order to loosen the hair’s kinky texture. Plus, once my hair starts to grow, I will have to continue to get relaxers to straighten the new kinky growth—or my hair will break off where the kinky growth stops because my relaxed hair is so weak in comparison.

Option 5: I get a really short Afro or buzz cut. Did I mention my big lion head? I look terrible with short hair. Not an option.

Option 6: I get box braids. Actually, there are two options here. One, I can spend three hundred dollars and sixteen hours in a beauty salon to get this hairstyle. Two, I can spend ten dollars and spend every night for about a week doing this hairstyle myself. It takes longer, but I keep two hundred and ninety dollars in my bank account.

To sum it all up, I am tired and angry and frustrated. And the next person who is not a black woman who feels the need to comment on a black woman’s hair without taking into account the obscene amount of exploitation we must endure, time we must expend, and money we must spend on our hair just to prevent ourselves from facing ridicule when we walk down the street will get cursed out.

Speaking of hair, I just watched the following documentary on the black hair care industry. Fascinating stuff!