Rick Ross should just change his name to The Bossman and rock the crooked corrections officer angle! He could pay a couple of lifers off to make up stories about how he was a nightmare to them in the pen. They can spin tales about how underhanded and dirty he was—how he ran every cell block. Lies? Probably. However, little Timmy living out in the suburbs doesn’t care about that as long as the outrageous black buck fantasy is meticulously maintained.

Really, Rick Ross should just embrace the whole controversy. He should put out a music video set in a prison—an Oz send up. He could show a defeated kingpin sitting in prison while Rick Ross is shown going through his personal effects and taking over the criminal’s life. That’d be awesome. Where the hell are his PR people? They should have been carefully altering his public image as soon as the first picture was released!

Studio gangsters have the worst managers, I swear. I could do a better job.